India’s lowest divorce rate in the world is so scary- I wish it meant people love their partners and are happy with them. The statement needs no elaboration just by reading this statement most adults would scoff and youngsters sigh. Coupled with statistics of domestic violence, marital rape, dowry-related deaths, depression levels- low divorce rates are scary.
I remember one particular instance- a friends father had an affair with the secretary of his office, upon being confronted by his wife he screamed and swore. Drunk as he was after saying all the atrocious and hideous things he could, to his wife and kids, he fell asleep.
This wasn’t a one-off instance- it took place in the household every now and then. Sometimes her mother turned away and on days she couldn’t- above-mentioned scene ensued. Lies and screams.
I asked her what she asked her mother- Why don’t you leave?
The one-word answer should make no sense at all-but to all of us Indians whose lives revolve around nonsensical things this word would say enough “Society.”
Who would believe me? Who would marry my children? Where would I go? My parents would be embarrassed!
So for all intents and purposes- they are a married couple. In the Indian statistics, they belong to the non-divorced. It’s more fitting for the married in India to be called non-divorced.
Articles explaining low divorce rates say
- It’s because people spend a lot on weddings in India- it is a financial waste.
- Families force the woman to compromise/adjust
- Indian values prohibit divorce.
- Patriarchal society- extremely tough for women.
- Lack of financial independence- Females after marriage/childbirth are often not a part of the workforce
- Social factors- low acceptance.
Each bullet is a wound, all I hope is everyone can someday see it like that. As wrong and as sad it truly is.
When they see a couple from whose home they hear screams everyday. The couple that’s the talk of the locality- they offer a gentle smile.
When people see another friends parents- whose union is inter-religious and based on love instead of a checklist- people see something wrong. How can people see the smiles and love and still call it wrong?
Is that the great Indian Value- to not be happy? To suffer/compromise? To not love?
On the bright note- things do seem to be changing. A lot of love marriages are happening (sometimes at the expense of being disowned- other times readily). The divorce rate is also increasing with increased awareness and financial independence.
And to the youth – the people you are fighting have lived a life where they gave up on their dreams, where they suffered their entire life. They were taught hate. In accepting that happiness is a choice, that the societies rules are optional- their entire experience is invalidated. All their sacrifices seem wasted. They cannot accept what happened to them was wrong so they’d rather tell you what you are doing is wrong. You cannot change them or what they think/feel. All you can do is fight for your happiness even if it’s hard. Ensure that you don’t change- you stick to what you believe is right, for your values, for love.
