Privilege Gratitude

I haven’t misspelled guilt, I know gratitude there seems wrong. I remember a discussion where a male tried to be a part of a feminist issue and asked “but why do women follow the rules if it’s so messed up and harmful for them ?” Maybe his question was wrong, ignorant but today I want to talk of how problematic the response with which it was met is “You belong to the privileged sex, you won’t understand.”

Once in a discussion about begging someone said “why do the able-bodied not work instead” and similarly it was shut down with a “you won’t understand”

Imagine a child asking a question in class and being told “ oh you aren’t familiar with it, you won’t understand.” If someone was familiar they wouldn’t need an explanation they would know. Rega Jha in her famous Spokenfest speech ‘Being Problematic’ said “changing is hard enough without shame being in the mix” then why do we harp on about the divide that exists, why do we shame those who find themselves on the better side? We hate them for crimes they didn’t commit, unfairness in the world that they have nothing to do with moreover some discontentment in our own lives which seems to be missing in their life.

I have been shut up in my attempts to understand “You are privileged, won’t understand it.” Suddenly there is the strengthened wall of us and them, the haves and have nots, the educated and the uneducated, the upper class and the lower class. What could have been hand-holding turns into a fist-fight.

It is disheartening to know that while here I am fussing about the pasta being too cheesy, there are children in under-developed nations who haven’t eaten a morsel in days. It breaks my heart to know that the only thing that separates me from a child on the road is where we were born and neither of us did anything to deserve for it to be the way it is.

However, in this sad- sad world I can choose to be upset about those who don’t have certain privileges and lay mine to waste as well. I could feel guilty. Or I can be grateful for what I have.
It is labelled indifference, it is being labelled privilege to not dwell in the sad reality. It is also stupidity, let me use an analogous example to make the point more clear – imagine there is one chocolate with you. Would you throw it away because not everybody has it? Would you feel angry/ sad that you have it? Question whether you deserve it? Wonder if you’ve earned it? Or would you say “wow, thank you! I’m so lucky and I owe it to those who don’t to value it, savour it and enjoy it to the fullest“ Share it if/ when you can.

A friend who wanted to become a doctor whose parents were doctors – was mocked and shamed for having it easier. To the point, she was embarrassed for the little blessing, the little gift. After having privilege guilt for a long while she finally said,” all those who make fun of me or taunt me wouldn’t think twice before taking the opportunity if it lay before them. Here I am feeling unworthy, questioning myself because of people who are envious and jealous. Bitter enough to hurt someone who hasn’t said or done anything to them.”

Do you refuse to go to school because it’s not something you’ve earned? Do you refuse to eat tasty food because others don’t have it? And if you did what good would it do those who don’t have the chance. How unfortunate someone who didn’t have the chance missed good things and the one who was blessed – gave up on it. In which scenario does throwing the chocolate away sound sensible? Does it seem logical to feel guilty about the chocolate or grateful?
There is plenty of sad things in the world so let’s not add to them. Let’s abandon privilege guilt and seek, create Privilege Gratitude.

PS- This article doesn’t talk of Privilege Guilt in the typical sense of the term – it mostly discusses quilting people who seem relatively privileged and those who are conscious or saddened by their privilege.

We are all more privileged than we realize, let’s become aware, do better and be grateful.