More than Give and Take

When the children were very young, we moved close to my parents’ home. Growing up, I did not really know my grandparents, and I always felt like I missed out on that relationship. I am glad that my children have had the opportunity to know their grandparents. They have been the best support in our children’s early years.

Over time, I have seen their relationship grow. It has a unique, unmatchable place in their lives. I am grateful that the children have loving relationships other than with just us. They say it takes a village to raise a child. This goes beyond the physical responsibility of bringing up children. The values that form the basis of our lives are absorbed organically from the people who surround us. My children are inspired when they witness my parents’ generosity, and the disciplined lives they lead.

Being around the children has been a joy for my parents as well. Over the years, the bond between them has also brought me closer to my parents. To have a larger circle of love and trust is a blessing. However, time and again, I have been made to feel guilt for depending on my parents for childcare. And it’s the ones closest to us who judge us in the harshest way.

Recently, when we decided to move away, someone implied that it was because the children are now older and the grandparents had served their purpose. It was hurtful to hear such a narrow interpretation of our relationship, especially when we are on the verge of a big change in our lives. This made me wonder if ‘give and take’ is the only way to look at relationships. Who do we lean on when we need to, if not on our closest family?

Asking for help is a good thing. A big part of the world’s mental health crises is the pressure on individuals to be self-sufficient. We need each other and there is no shame in that. I feel fortunate that my family has been a part of my journey to raise my children, and a big part of my children’s lives. I hope I can be there for my own children when they need me.

As far as the debt to my parents is concerned, can that ever be repaid? I carry it with me, with pride. I prepare to leave this home with a clear conscience. After all, it is the immense love and support of our family that gives us the strength and courage to explore new opportunities.