Watch & Learn

While children might not listen to all that we say, they do watch all that we do. The old adage that ‘actions speak louder than words’ couldn’t be truer and I learnt this lesson many years ago. 

It was a hot summer evening in the year 2010.  After a hard day at work, I drove my son to a nearby park. Baby number two was on its way. I was heavily pregnant and exhausted. As we drove into the parking lot, the parking attendant came up to our car and started giving too many instructions and directions. I tried to follow him but did not have the energy to take the car back and forth to squeeze into the exact spot that he would have liked. The parking lot was more than half vacant so, instead, I drove on to the far, nearly empty end and parked. All this had cost me some precious time and energy and I was quite annoyed at the attendant. As we got out of the car, the attendant walked up to us to hand over the parking slip. I took the slip in my hand, crumpled it and channeled all my annoyance into throwing it on the ground. That was it. I had had a tough day and all my frustration came out in this little action.

A few months later, completely out of the blue, my four-year-old son brought up this incident; he wanted to know the reason for my behavior. He reminded me exactly how I had acted rudely towards the parking attendant. I was taken aback that he could remember something so insignificant from months earlier. After recovering from the shock, I recalled and explained my mental and physical state on that day and that I was not at my best. We spoke about how any of that did not excuse my behavior. It was a weak moment but I should have done better. I promised to do better in the future.

What a moment of learning it was for me. In that moment, I saw myself through my son’s eyes. The momentary lapse in my behaviour had shocked him and left a deep impression on his gentle mind. To think that he watched me so closely overwhelmed me at first. The idea of always being perfectly behaved felt, not just daunting, but near impossible – though this also presented an opportunity to become more self-aware and try to become the best possible version of myself. A decade later, I would not have any memory of this incident but for the fact that my son wouldn’t let me forget. Despite my best efforts and much improvement, there have been many moments that I’m not proud of. I am far from perfect. But I have learnt to be honest, to myself and to my children. They are allowed to see the truth, with all its weakness and imperfections. They can see that being perfect is hard, near impossible, but it’s important to accept where one is at. After all, it is in trying to be better that a life’s work lies.