Intentions V/S Actions

The road to hell is paved with good intentions
or
At least the heart is in the right place ?

Before we dive into it – let’s pause to just understand both the platitudes –
The road to hell is paved with good intentions – best way to explain it is with an alternate proverb “ Hell is full of good meanings, but heaven is full of good works ”

And the heart is in the right place dictionary definition , ‘having as one’s intention trying to do
good things’.

For example – She’s not too smart, but at least her heart is in the right place.

Any day I would pick the former. Of course this is simplistic and on some rare occasions I would focus on intentions. What do you value and more importantly what should you value more?

Something my brother says – saying someone’s heart is good is a blanket statement which cannot be checked. You can say even a terrorist might have a good heart. Would you forgive their actions because they have a good heart ?

If someone has good intentions but their actions hurt you – what good are their intentions? If somebody tried their best and wanted whats best for you but it didn’t work out – should you hold them accountable?

Why is this relevant to you? Why should you engage in this hypothetical and philosophical train of thought ? Because we all have people in our lives who knowingly or unknowingly make our lives hard, who we want in our lives but actually make it worse. Either because they aren’t smart enough or moral enough or courageous enough but we love them still.

The person who wastes your time by calling when you have to work
The person who lets you be when you need them because they want you to be independent
The parents who want the best for you but don’t know whats best for you
The one who gossips about you but loves you
The one who scolds you for your poor health
The one who puts you on a spot
The one who cannot help who she/he is

Here are a few questions that can help you decide what to prioritise –

1. Any behaviour before being judged should be put into context – context is everything. In this scenario when someone does something hurtful were they aware of it’s impact?
2. Was it a one time thing or does it happen often? Are their ever good actions too or only good intentions and bad results?
3. Was the situation minor or with major implication. Did they discuss or feel sorry for how they messed up?
4. Was it their recklessness and stupidity that messed it up or there was genuinely no way they could have known what would be the implication of their actions/words?
5. Are you close to that person – should they have known better? Is the relationship close where forgiving could bite you in the future or they are distant so if you let go, it would be a bygone.
6. Do they ask you what you want? Need? Try to improve ?

Not consciously thinking about it – we self betray and let harmful behaviours happen to us.
I would forgive in case’s where someone tried their best and really did want whats best for me but just the outcome was bad if it’s a one time situation. If in other situations they have actually done me some good with their good intentions. If the person is not very close to me I would forgive but remember. However if someone close to me does it – I will establish boundaries, I wouldn’t trust that person with anything that can impact me and maybe even distance myself.

This whole article is because I have found myself trying to say but the intention wasn’t to hurt, people try to bury things by saying – they want what’s best for me. As adults humans have enough intelligence and agency to do better. If a child accidentally breaks all the precious vases you put them away but if an adult does it ? If someone sets a fire not knowing it will burn, it burns all the same.